Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Auleo 第二尝试:short story

xxxxxxxxxxxx灾难xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx “医生,我老婆她怎么了,几时可以康复?”丈夫急着问。 “谢先生,或者请您来我的办公室谈一谈,好吗?“医生道。 医生:“谢先生,在我还没接下去谈论有关谢太太的病情,希望您能做好心理准备。“ “医生,请告诉我实情,我已做好最坏的打算了“丈夫说。 医生:“谢太太伤到了她的后脑,经过脑部扫描,证实后脑部积血,影响到她的活动系统,换句话说,谢太太不幸成为了植物人” 谢先生沉重的吸了一口气:“有什么医治方法,多少成把握?” 医生:“情况不乐观,只有五巴仙成功机率” “医疗史上也有病人不动手术也能苏醒过来,但是也许需要五年,十年,二十年或者永远也不再醒来了。。。。” xxxxxxxxxxxx重回现场xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx “妈妈,快快回家,要五点半了,我要看Bunny”儿子嚷道。 “好啦好啦,妈付了钱就好啦” 这位女士名为程婷婷,全职家庭主妇,今天来超市买一些日常用品后,要去学校载送两个女儿回家。 “祖儿乖,绑上安全带,妈妈放了东西就开车了” “Yes Madam,祖儿是好孩子”祖儿向妈妈做敬礼手势。 砰!“啊!!” “报告Madam,前面那个叔叔驾地很快!要抄牌“祖儿说道。 “Madam,你在哪里?“妈妈没有回应祖儿。 “妈,你怎么了?为什么睡在地上?“ 程婷婷失去知觉,倒在血泊中。。。。 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx “小朋友,告诉警察姐姐,你看到什么?“警察姐姐祥和地问着祖儿。 “妈妈。。妈妈。。你醒来呀“祖儿不断的自言自语。 “警察小姐,我孙儿受惊过度,别再问他了“谢爷爷说道。 “警察小姐,到底怎么一回事,请你告诉我们“ “根据现场目击者的口供,一个电单车骑士掠夺程婷婷的手袋,并把她猛力推向车门。。。“ xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx “婷,你快振作起来啊,我们还没有去环游世界啊,快点醒来,陪我去走走“ 空气一片宁静,听到的就只是机器操作的声音。 今天已是离案发一个月时间了。凶手仍然逍遥法外,谢伟柏天天都到医院陪伴妻子婷婷。 “婷婷很快就醒来的!“伟柏对自己说。 “婷,你知道吗?文儿,宣儿,祖儿她们今天做了一张贺卡给你,叫我带来给你看看美不美“ “这班小瓜,弄到十二点都还不去睡,哈哈,最后,身为狮王的我只好运用权威,逼她们去睡了” “婷,你知道吗?昨天我看到你最喜欢的音乐盒,我把它买下了,你先闭上眼睛,我给你看” “婷,好了,看眼睛吧!” “婷,你看,是不是你喜欢的那款?婷,你。。。看看啊。。好。。吗“ 伟柏径自在寂静的房中哭泣。。。 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx “文儿,宣儿,来,给妈妈看看你们的成绩单“ “婷,你知道吗?文儿宣儿都很乖巧,考试都在第五名之内” “婷,你看,我早就说了,我们的结晶品是很优良的,像得妈妈多嘛” “妈,我拿到第一名,你说过要带我们去海边野餐的” “妈,醒来,咱们去野餐喽!” xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx [新郎:“爸,喝茶,妈,喝茶“ 新娘:“伯父,喝茶。。。。“ 谢爸爸:“都入门了,还叫伯父?“ 新娘一羞,腼腆道:“爸爸,喝茶,妈妈,喝茶“ ] “婷,哈哈,你看,你真是笨笨的,结婚当天还那么见外“ “婷,你真是我看到最漂亮的新娘!” xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx七年后xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx “伟柏,都那么多年了,婷婷晕了那么久,你也该为自己前途打算打算了“谢妈妈劝道。 “是啊,文儿她们都相当懂事了,你何不放弃婷婷,你也是时候找个伴了,况且放弃,对婷婷来说,也是一种解脱“谢爸爸说道。 “不!婷婷会醒来的,她最怕寂寞了,醒来看不到我,肯定会被吓坏的“ xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx廿年后xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx “爸,你又在陪妈妈看大学照片啦?”小宣问道。 “嗯,是的,今天讲到我们在系院晚会的点点滴滴” “爸,都那么多年了,你还放不下吗?妈的事你也折腾几十年了,何不找个伴呢?” “不,妈就快醒了,爸必须是妈醒来看见的第一人” “爸,我好羡慕妈,能嫁着这样的丈夫”小宣道。 “哈哈,宣儿,妈妈肯定没告诉过你,爸爸唯一的优点是守诺言,爸爸答应妈妈要照顾她一生一世,那就是一生一世了,爸爸不可以违背自己作出的承诺的。” “来,小宣,告诉妈妈你最近的事情好吗?爸爸也好久没问候你了” xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxTHE ENDxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

hahaa ure get the inspiration from me ar writing short story....:p.....anyway not bad ure story....keep up the good work ok....:D

Anonymous said...

琛公子啊琛公子!

好悲哀的故事呢。。。
可是悲哀得来又象征着真挚的爱,
你真是个性感,啊不!是感性的人。
不错,写得有文有路,继续加油
不如出下集吧,让女主角活过来,同时男主角身边出现对自己有意思的女生。。。意见而已

阿唐的唐啊!!大唐的唐啊!
不是唐老鸭啊!他是唐彦琛!

Anonymous said...

糖尿病的唐啊... Oops!

Anonymous said...

Okay, I have read through both your short stories. And, they are really short.

My comment is the stories should be more lengthen, details need to be added. Then you will have a more complete short story. Well, for example you can put more details about the surroundings in the story, what they're thinking when they dealing a matter, maybe a flashback to enhanced their personallity or background in the story and some details you can think of.

I bet you know the first one is terrible. And the second one did improved. But, for both the stories the plots are still too weak. My advise is write again the first story. It may end up as a good short stories. Like I said, get more details inside the story. Like this third person story, you always can tell a lot their stories, and their problems when facing their studies or future.... or add a little bit (or more if you don't mind) of your actual story if you don't mind.

Why I say so much? Coz I always want to do a story. And, I have a lots of plots. They all actually are for my comic stories. But, I'm damn lazy to finish anyone of it. Other words, I have none of stories in my hand(I know I had to work a lil' bit harder)!! However, if you want any ideas, I always will to help you. Maybe I can visualize them if I think the story is good.

If you want to do some more stories, you can take these books as your reference. I think it is quite good for you to start with.

藤井樹 我们不結婚好嗎
王文華 蛋白質女孩

and you seems have a lots of female fans here also.......well, keep going, don't let your female fans down!

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